this is what knocked me flat yesterday. My brother in law calls them
little landmines. I found this as I was going through the chest of
drawers where we keep all the baby clothes. It’s the tag from the
blanket we buried Miles in.
And yes, I had been sleeping with it like the tag says to.
So here’s a fun game you can play when you’re taking care of a three-month-old baby all day and you haven’t slept much:
in bed (it’s best if you wait until after midnight, for that added rush
you get from feeling like you really should be getting some sleep now)
and think of every movie you’ve ever seen or heard of. Now substitute
the word “midget” for one of the words in the movie’s title. You can do
this by yourself or with your partner, but if you have a partner, by
all means include him or her in the fun. Think how sad you’d be if you woke the next morning only to find you had missed out on it all.
Here are a few of our favorites. Remember, they only get funnier as the night wears on:
An Officer and a Midget
The Big Midget
The Thin Red Midget
Full Metal Midget
Dead Midget Walking
So I Married a Midget
One Flew Over the Midget’s Nest
Midgets in the Mist
The Maltese Midget
Midget on the Roof
The Unbearable Lightness of Midget
All About My Midget
The Year My Midget Broke
Run, Midget, Run!
Enter the Midget
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Midget
Raise the Red Midget
Four Weddings and a Midget
My Big Fat Greek Midget
You’ve Got Midget!
Bridget Jones’ Midget
A Few Good Midgets
All the President’s Midgets
Voyage to the Bottom of the Midget
Midget Come Home
Field of Midgets
The Midget of Oz
Charlie and the Midget Factory
They Saved Hitler’s Midget
A Midget Called Wanda
A Room With a Midget
The Dead Midget’s Society
Midget Walk With Me
Dances with Midgets
A Midsummer Night’s Midget
The Passion of the Midget
Planet of the Midgets
A Streetcar Named Midget
...and my personal favorite:
Dial M for Midget
When it starts to get really late, you can start doing things like this:
tip and sleep-deprived kick in the butt to Frankie D.J. who introduced
this game as part of his ever-entertaining poker banter in the New York
yet, it is all the more important now that I be kind to people. I look
at people’s faces — in real life, in movies — and I see my baby’s face.
I watch as someone is victimized and I see him and it hurts. The first
weeks after he was born, I had a hard time even watching Buffy because
seeing people victimized, in pain, really hurt. I’m not so fragile now,
but I still see his face wherever I look and I feel viscerally that
each of these people is someone’s son or daughter and that every one of
them means the whole world to at least one other person on this planet.
And I don’t want that awareness to fade. I don’t want to become desensitized to the beings around me.
yet now I kill insects. And I would kill more than that if I thought it
was a threat to my baby. What is this strange dichotomy — the seeming
contradiction of being both more sensitive and more brutal at the same
time? Is this motherhood?
past the increasingly visible police and guys in army fatigues around
Columbus Circle, I realize that I am sometimes as fear-driven as our
society has become. And I don’t want to be. But I worry about that
little boy so much. I guess I need to distinguish between legitimate
things to worry about and my imagination having a field day.
maybe, as Dr. Branch says, I need to trust. But trust in what? The
universe that killed Miles? No thanks. Trust my little baby to fight for his
own survival? Maybe. I don’t know. It’s just a crazy thing to ask
someone who’s been as badly screwed over as you can be to “trust.” I
mean, I’ve been hurt by people before and then gotten over it and
trusted again. But this is different. This is the whole universe. I am
at odds with the whole universe for what it’s done. It can go fuck
itself as far as I’m concerned.